o.m.g. I don’t even know how many more stops and starts I’ve had over this past year. But I do know that I am done now, and want it to stay that way.
In July of last year I left my DH and moved across country with our only son. I was hoping to start my new life here clean from the get go, but my addiction followed me, as they do. And it wasn’t until November that I got serious again about stopping drinking. I finally managed 11 days straight, then relapsed – not because I was battling, but because it seemed easy. I drank for 4 days and then got in another 7 days sober. That time it was harder. I caved and drank for another 3 days. There was so much shame at that point, so I stopped again. Then I managed 12 days sober. Included in those 12 days was a Christmas away from family, my son getting ill, my first car accident, coming off my anti-depressants, and seeing my son off for a 2 week holiday. It was a horrible time, with lots of crying and hating my life. So I eventually drank again on new year’s eve to stop the hurting for a little bit. It worked, and I drank again the next day, simply because I had booze in the house. But I’d really had enough now, and poured the rest down the sink.
Since New Year’s Day I have now got 17 days sober and I haven’t yet really wanted to drink. This is monumentous! I know it’s still early days, but it’s a new record for me and I’m so happy to have made it this far.
Writing is not really my thing, but I just feel that I need to blog, for myself, and for an extra layer of accountability. I know there will be times in the not-too-distant future that I’m going to be tempted to drink, so I need all the help I can get.
One thing I’m experiencing this time sober is that time isn’t going by uber-slowly. I can’t seem to find enough time to get everything done! I am working full-time, and have a young boy to care for, so that could be why. But I guess maybe it’s good to be kept busy in early sobriety.
I am, however, battling with some kind of craving/emotional issue. I’m not hungry, but can’t stop myself from snacking continuously. I think I’m looking for something to make me feel better, because the thought of not doing it just makes me want to burst into tears. I obviously have a lot to work through.